Safe for Davids Mother jokes.

[ovenpaa]

My Mother at 80+ is on the interweb and complains that nobody sends her any jokes, so I need some Mother safe jokes if anyone has such things please

If you have anything can you bung them in this thread please.

[Chuck]

two aerials meet on a roof and fall in love..and get married.

The ceremony was poor but the reception was brilliant...
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Man goes to the doctor with a strawberry growing out of his head..

The doc says "I'll give you some cream for it".

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I bought some HP Sauce the other day

It's costing me 6 pence a month for two years.
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my dog was barking at evereyone the other day

Still, what do you expect from a ross breed.

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Two cannibals eating a clown, one turns to the other and says..

"does this taste funny to you?"

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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day....but I couldn't find any....

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OK time for the medication now................

[ovenpaa]

Perfect start

[JonC]

Two old girls sitting on a bench at the train station. A man walks up, opens his coat and flashes at them, one has a stroke, the other couldnt reach.

Well my mum liked that one.

[Polchraine]

http://full-bore.co.uk/viewtopic.php?f= ... 365#p58365

[ovenpaa]

Yes got that one, I will just change it to Derbyshire as that is where they live

[Dave 101]

Two chimneys on a roof and the big chimney says to the little chimney , your too young to smoke .


Whats green and goes up and down , a goosebury in a lift .

Whats yellow and dangerous , shark infested custard .

Whats brown and sticky , a stick .

A bear walks into a bar and says to the barman i will have a pint of .................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... and the barman says why the big paws .


Dave

[Dave 101]

I say I say I say my wifes gone to the caribean .

Jamaica

No she went of her own accord .


I say I say I say my dog has no nose

How does he smell ?

BLOODY AWFULL .

Dave

[Tower75]

What does a Spanish fireman name his two twins?

Hose-A and
Hose-B

Why did the Mexican push his wife off the cliff?

Too-Kill-her

[Polchraine]

Old Dave goes to the doctors for his annual check up ...

The doctor goes through everything and finally asks "is there anything wrong with your bowel movements?"

Dave says, "yes Doc, I do have a small problem. I am as regular as clockwork - every morning 8:00 AM without fail."

The doctor replies, "there is nothing wrong with that - in fact it is pretty good, why do you say it is a problem?"

"Well" says Dave, "I don't wake up until 9:00!"